Anyone got jokes

#1

bored af rn. Anyone got any jokes?

#2

Guess what?

#3

Chicken butt?

#4

I am officially retiring the @LuckyKid is the 2k employee joke . It’s this guy.

2 Likes
#5

Here’s a joke

Kyrie’s leadership skills

7 Likes
#6

Police : Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card earlier?
Man : The thief was spending less than my wife!
Police : Then why are you reporting it now?
Man : I think the thief’s wife has started using it!!

11 Likes
#7

Why can’t ghosts make babies?

Because they have hollow weenies

3 Likes
#8

2K is the best company in the world

2 Likes
#9

The houston rockets

2 Likes
#10

Lmao aye man I shouldn’t be laughing at this I’m told old for a joke like this

1 Like
#11

And the punchline is a picture of Ronnie’s face

#12

This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you’ll see why!

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called ‘Mate Match’. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are mar
ried or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers’yes’,he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with (phone number) for verification If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you’ve heard yet.

Anyway, here’s how it all went down:

DJ: ‘Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of ‘Mate Match’?’

Contestant: (laughing) ‘Yes, I have.’

DJ: ‘Great! Then you know we’re giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please.’

Contestant: ‘Brian.’

DJ: ‘Brian, are you married or what?’

Brian: (laughing nervously) ‘Yes, I am married.’

DJ: ‘Thank you. Now, what is your wife’s name? First only please.’

Brian: ‘Sara.’

DJ: ‘Is Sara at work, Brian?’

Brian: ‘She is gonna kill me…’

DJ: ‘Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?’

Brian: (laughing) ‘Yes, she’s at work.’

DJ: ‘Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?’

Brian: ‘About 8 o’clock this morning.’

DJ: ‘Atta boy, Brian.’

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) ‘Well…’

DJ: ‘Question #2 - How long did it last?’

Brian: ‘About 10 minutes.’

DJ: ‘Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn’t at stake.’

Brian: ‘Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.’

DJ: 'Okay… Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o’clock this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) ‘I, ummm, I, well…’

DJ: ‘This sounds good, Brian… Where was it at?’

Brian: ‘Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks…’

DJ: ‘Uh huh…’

Brian: ‘…and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.’

DJ: ‘Atta boy, Brian.’

Brian: ‘On the kitchen table…’

DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I’ve done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife’s work number and call her up.

[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]

DJ: ‘Okay audience; let’s call Sarah, shall we?’

(Touch tones…ringing…)

Clerk: ‘Kinkos.’

DJ: ‘Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?’

Clerk: ‘This is she.’

DJ: ‘Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I’ve been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.’

Sarah: (laughing) ‘A couple of hours?’

DJ: ‘Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you’ll lose. Sooooooo… do you know the rules of ‘Mate Match’?’

Sarah: ‘No.’

DJ: ‘Good!’

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) ‘Brian, what the hell are you up to?’

Brian: (laughing) ‘Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.’

DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian’s answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) ‘Yes.’

DJ: ‘All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?’

Sarah: ‘Oh God, Brian…uh, this morning before Brian went to work.’

DJ: ‘What time?’

Sarah: ‘Around 8 this morning.’

DJ: ‘Very good. Next question. How long did it last?’

Sarah: ‘12, 15 minutes maybe…’

DJ: ‘Hmmmm. That’s close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We’ve got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?’

Sarah: (laughing) ‘Yes.’

DJ: ‘Where did you have it?’

Sarah: ‘OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn’t tell them that did you?’

Brian: ‘Just tell him, honey…’

DJ: ‘What is bothering you so much, Sarah?’

Sarah: ‘Well…’

DJ: Come on Sarah…where did you have it?

Sarah: ‘Up the arse…’

They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have a heart attack , he could not stop laughing…
Apparantly there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation, for minor traffic collisions

13 Likes
#13

8 Likes
#14

tldr god damn brah

1 Like
#15

Your missing out

1 Like
#16

It was worth the read :joy:

1 Like
#17

Got some memes saved in my phone (gotta save ‘em for them girls)


1 Like
#18

What do you call a snake that is 3.14 ft long?

#19

A pi-thon

2 Likes
#20

@ph00ktastic that’s a GOAT-level joke right there. Except, it’s real right?

1 Like